Strong Will Continue

My eyelashes, pennies, stars, 11:11, and birthday candles don't seem to be doing their job right. November was such a bitch, and I do hope December has something magical stored for me!

Okay so I learnt something pretty valuable whilst I've been here. As I'm growing up, I've learnt that even the one person who promised and isn't supposed to ever let you down - most probably will.

Maybe not now, but at some point - yes, they will.

I've had my heart broken. And I've broken others' hearts as well. Countless of times. I know, I'm guilty of it and I'm sorry. I've fought with my best friends. I've even fell in love with some of them. I've taken loads of pictures. I've laughed way too much. I've been forgiving too freely. I've spent my cash at an incredibly unnecessary rate. I've taken chances. I've seeked happiness. I've laughed at people's dreams. I've played dress up. I've taken pictures of myself. I've challenged myself.

And I have even made time to dance in my underwear, thankyouverymuch.

But that's just me -  I don't like faking a smile, and I don't like pretending to be happy when I'm not.

It really hits me (all these thoughts and questions of '' what do they think about me? '', do they like me? '', '' am I cool enough to be sitting down and chilling with them? '' ) and rushes through my head all at once, and then this sad little emoticon will start creeping on me slowly inch by inch as I start to wonder and let my blank mind ponder for a little bit. It's pretty scary to realize how much people can judge and criticize you, yet come up to your face with an incredibly wide smile and be such a sweet-talker.

I was told that I'm lifeless, and a bore. Oh and an anti-social as well. Whereas on the other hand, my friends think I'm outgoing and I'm completely insane that I can literally turn someone absolutely sane into someone like me.

I am definitely a someone else when I'm with my friends.

O-kay.

Anyhow, now I'm just crying because time is flying by. Too fast. I know life comes with no guarantees. No time outs. No second chances. Nothing at all.

Nothing is permanent, anyways. But yeah. I'll just have to stop complaining and live my life to the fullest.

My life twisted and took a whole new route down. And right about now, I just wanna tell every single one of  my friends what they mean to me. I wish I could just tell someone off and speak out. Dance in the pouring rain. Hold someone's hand by the beach. Comfort a friend. Stay up late and fall asleep watching the sun come up. Be a flirt. And just being able to smile until my face hurts.

See, mixed emotions. Blame the hormones.

I've come to a point of my life where I've decided that I'm not gonna be afraid of taking chances anymore. Or to open my heart. But most of all, I just wanna simply live in the moment. Because I do know every second I spend being angry or upset, is a second of happiness I can never get back.

Anyhow, I think I finally am gonna stop caring about people who are mean to me. From today onwards, I'm gonna pretend as though they're transparent or something. Oh and of course, I'm gonna be grateful to those who love me.

Sometimes I wish I could just go back in time and shake hands with all of my haters, then turn around and walk away - with my middle finger in the air.

As I said, I'll do it the casual way.

Sometimes I pretend to be normal, that it gets really boring - so I go back being me. I know I get angry easily, but I'm working on it. I sleep too much. I think too much. But yes, I do get my shit done on time. I'm learning, and enforcing my boundaries at the same time. I believe that I am now very much stronger and independent that I have ever been, and I am definitely very proud of it :)

Well, what I'm going through - it's all part of growing up isn't it?

Note to self : Life is rough, you gotta be tough.

P / S : I miss having the feeling of being unsure of what to eat for breakfast because of the myriad food choices.