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Sometimes I feel that my life is pretty empty. The emptiness hurts my head and makes me wanna cry for no valid reason at all. As tears roll down my cheeks, it makes me even sadder - almost as though crying itself was a tragedy, and it makes me tear even more than ever.
While I still have some heart left before I merely turn into a walking corpse, I would like to remind myself why I have ended up in this frustratingly complex and complicated yet beautiful field of career.
No, it most certainly has nothing to do with earning big buck. Really.
Alright, no. I haven't exactly been corrupted by my studies just yet. I have been drastically elevated to a mental state where the absolute concept of differentiating between right and wrong no longer governs my conscience.
In simpler words, it is no longer existent.
-
It's funny how I sometimes feel desperately helpless and confused as the days go by. I don't even speak or think with the sort of clarity I used to have. Every few weeks or so, I go into a shut-down mode and feel like I'm the only person living in the whole universe. The one and only person helping myself from some sort of despair. It makes me feel sick and disappointed and that I've had enough. I mean, what in the world was I thinking when I decided to major in MD?
In this case, exclude my ever-loving parents. Thankyouverymuch.
Honestly, my attitude towards Science in primary school and Biology throughout upper secondary could be best described as passion.
I suppose I've always felt guilty about my under-performance as the only daughter in school - also in relation to the amount of sacrifices my parents have made in their lives to bring me up. My parents were always there for me, through good and through trying times - but sometimes it seems to me that they must have a different life that I didn't know about, in the world of adults.
My parents have invested both financially and mentally into my education. It gets me thinking at times - do my parents ever regret devoting almost the past two decades of their lives to myself?
I have solemnly come to the conclusion that they must have, at some point. I mean, I am perfectly imperfect. To be honest, I can be quite an unappreciative and ungrateful brat at times.
Sigh. It feels incredibly stupid to reminiscence about the past. I admit it, I was young and dumb. It's never too late to change for the better, isn't it? There is definitely no use crying while being sprawled on the floor in pain after aiming so high.
I have to say, I am only facing these consequences with the choices I chose - on my own. No one pushed, but I jumped.
While I still have some heart left before I merely turn into a walking corpse, I would like to remind myself why I have ended up in this frustratingly complex and complicated yet beautiful field of career.
No, it most certainly has nothing to do with earning big buck. Really.
Alright, no. I haven't exactly been corrupted by my studies just yet. I have been drastically elevated to a mental state where the absolute concept of differentiating between right and wrong no longer governs my conscience.
In simpler words, it is no longer existent.
-
It's funny how I sometimes feel desperately helpless and confused as the days go by. I don't even speak or think with the sort of clarity I used to have. Every few weeks or so, I go into a shut-down mode and feel like I'm the only person living in the whole universe. The one and only person helping myself from some sort of despair. It makes me feel sick and disappointed and that I've had enough. I mean, what in the world was I thinking when I decided to major in MD?
In this case, exclude my ever-loving parents. Thankyouverymuch.
Honestly, my attitude towards Science in primary school and Biology throughout upper secondary could be best described as passion.
I suppose I've always felt guilty about my under-performance as the only daughter in school - also in relation to the amount of sacrifices my parents have made in their lives to bring me up. My parents were always there for me, through good and through trying times - but sometimes it seems to me that they must have a different life that I didn't know about, in the world of adults.
My parents have invested both financially and mentally into my education. It gets me thinking at times - do my parents ever regret devoting almost the past two decades of their lives to myself?
I have solemnly come to the conclusion that they must have, at some point. I mean, I am perfectly imperfect. To be honest, I can be quite an unappreciative and ungrateful brat at times.
Sigh. It feels incredibly stupid to reminiscence about the past. I admit it, I was young and dumb. It's never too late to change for the better, isn't it? There is definitely no use crying while being sprawled on the floor in pain after aiming so high.
I have to say, I am only facing these consequences with the choices I chose - on my own. No one pushed, but I jumped.
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