Mixed Emotions

Apologies and sorry about the lack of updates. I've been having a go at myself trying to gather my thoughts on the series of unfortunate events for the past few weeks. I've been meaning to write something here for some time now, really. It's just that every single time I try to start off with a random introduction to a seemingly interesting post, I begin to think my none of my reasons for ranting deserves any form of sympathy nor attention at all. I don't know why I come here and decide to post all the emotion I have been hiding and wouldn't actually wanna show the rest of the world.

I am currently at a stage of life where I am different to almost everyone. I take everyday as it goes, and now everyday just seems like another chance for myself at getting something right. There always seems to be something to be corrected, each and every other passing days.

I often feel unhappy about being unhappy. I occasionally feel so tired, but not just physically. I wouldn't say mentally either. I mean, I'm just not too sure myself. Therefore, instead of focusing on the etiology of my stress - I always end being repelled by how pathetic my imaginations always are. I don't know. Maybe it's just stress?

Well, we all do go through trying times ; don't we?


Basically, I've been falling off track for some time. On and off. It's not exactly misery or depression. It is merely a state of blankness. I almost have no long-term plan anymore. There no objective in life either. I am becoming cynical about almost everything around me, only because I don't see the meaning in anything anymore.

I want to live a proper life for myself, but all I ever happen to do is to depend on everyone else's perceptions. Live up to everyone else's expectations. Tied to everyone else's decisions and choices. Living life has become nothing but an obligation.


Right about now, I am who people make me out to be.

Times like these, all I want to do is crawl into my mother's arms and sleep on her lap ; because when I tell her that I don't know what to do and what I've had done, she will say it's okay and that I will be okay.